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Question on Cutting - Mad and Glad

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Previous Entry Question on Cutting Nov. 11th, 2004 @ 10:53 pm Next Entry
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Date:November 11th, 2004 09:35 pm (UTC)
I started cutting when I was 14 and didn't completely stop until I was almost 19. I started cutting because I had things going on in my life where the pain was so overwhelming that I thought if I sliced until I bled that I'd have a different type of pain to concentrate on and I'd be able to escape for a bit. And for me - it was a way to keep people away - they thought I was a freak or that I was severely depressed and didn't want to bother with me. (But I'm scared of people - so that could just be a "me" thing.)

After a while, it became a coping mechanism. I kept broken tape cases and ripped up coke cans by my bed at all times. When something bad would happen - cutting was the first thing that came in my head. When I started to fight the urge - to really fight it - it would get so bad that my wrists actually ached.

My mom always used to tell me she understood what I was going through. I use to hit the roof over that one - because unless you've actually been through it - you have no idea. And she said that she was going to do what ever it took to get me help. I didn't want help from other people - I wanted her. I wanted to hear - No, I don't understand - so make me - tell me what's going on - and I'll find a way to bring you through this.

Don't know if that helped any - but that's my experience with it.
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